Gwyneth Paltrow Plans to Kill Vanity Fair and Pirouette on Its Grave

CelebritiesDirt Bag

This is fun: apparently, Gwyneth Paltrow wants to destroy Vanity Fair‘s reputation before the expose on her goes into print. This gives her, like, a month and a half to ruin something that’s been around since 1983 — so good odds?

Not quite sure what Gwynnie’s offensive will be. Maybe she will take to her GOOP blog and write “VANITY FAIR EATS CANNED CHEESE.” Maybe she will whisper to Beyonce, “Vanity Fair says that Blue Ivy isn’t a real person’s name and that they hated your pixie cut.” Maybe she will tell the Hemsworths that Vanity Fair stuffs its bra.

She’s allegedly already convinced George Clooney to not appear on the cover of the magazine’s Hollywood Issue, so there’s that. [Radar]

Drew Barrymore and her husband Will Kopelman are expecting their second child — a lil’ sibling for Olive, who is currently 13 months old. CONGRATULATIONS DREW! You are a beautiful angel.

In the past, she’s spoken of her plans to have more than one child:

“Some people love it and thrive on the independence, but I want my kids to have other kids around. Maybe two kids so they can run around life together, roll their eyes at their parents together like Rusty and Audrey Griswold from [National Lampoon’s] Vacation. So however that’s going to come about, it’s gonna happen!”

Yeah, good plan; except no one is ever going to roll their eyes at you, Drew Barrymore. [People]

Um, Eminem definitely was lip-syncing on SNL. A good pro-tip, if you do not want to be accused of lip-syncing on live TV, is to at least hold the microphone up to your mouth so people think that the sound is coming out of you. I recommend that you not wave the microphone around while kind of grunting and looking confused.

Maybe Eminem thinks that mouthing homophobic slurs is less controversial than shouting them rhythmically like he normally does? [TMZ]

  • Jennifer Aniston got a DRAMATIC NEW BOB and debuted it behind someone holding a “Caution: Wet Floor” sign upside down. [Pop Sugar]
  • One day all tabloids will be replaced with picture books made from print-outs of the Kardashians‘ Instagram accounts (possibly all newspapers as well). [E!]
  • Anna Faris and Chris Pratt want to produce a zoo full of children. Having seen Blackfish I know how hard it is for children to be in captivity but I support the idea of two brilliant humans passing on their DNA a lot. [E!]
  • You will not BELIEVE how much stuff Kaley Cuoco is flaunting all at once. Kaley Cuoco flaunts blazer, human hair, nail follicles, eyebrows, and consciousness at animal charity event. [E!]
  • Kristen Wiig and Fabrizio Moretti went to a basketball game together. Everyone who has seen the seminal 2000 film Love and Basketball knows what often accompanies this sport (love) (they’re soooo back together). [Perez Hilton]
  • Ugh what is this new weird noise band Julian Assange and why are they opening for MIA. (MIA is so cool). [Newser]
  • Look at this gorgeous picture of Jay-Z holding Blue Ivy by the ocean. Damn. [Hello]
  • Lorde was overheard calling David Guetta “gross,” which is oddly being billed as a diss when in fact it’s just an observation. [Perez Hilton]
  • Amanda Bynes will be out of treatment by Christmas, which is good news. Depressingly, she can’t leave her facility because of all the paparazzi outside. [TMZ]
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