If You’re a Republican Waiting in Line to Guffaw at Matt Gaetz as AG, Stay in Line!

“Are you shittin’ me?” one Republican congressman told a reporter when asked about Trump's choice to head the Justice Department. 

By Kylie Cheung  |  November 13, 2024 | 6:27pm
Photo: Getty Images Politics
If You’re a Republican Waiting in Line to Guffaw at Matt Gaetz as AG, Stay in Line!

Welp! Hell is empty and all the demons and sex pests are about to pour on into the second Trump administration. Pretty much all of President-elect Donald Trump’s appointments so far have been appalling, but his announcement of alleged sex trafficker Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Florida) as attorney general surely took the cake at the ongoing “This Country Is Over” party. The irony of this situation knows no bounds: For nearly two years, the Department of Justice, which Gaetz would head as attorney general, investigated him—for allegedly trafficking and sexually exploiting a minor. While the DOJ ultimately decided not to charge Gaetz in 2023, the House Ethics Committee is still investigating him for the same allegations.

Oddly enough, none of that was mentioned in Trump’s sprawling Truth Social post announcing Gaetz. Nor did the allegations from fellow Congress members that Gaetz would forcibly make them look at nude photos of women he slept with while on the House floor, or that Gaetz’s now-sister-in-law’s claimed in 2021 that Gaetz’s behavior toward her was “creepy” when she was a teen. Instead, the president-elect described Gaetz as “deeply gifted and tenacious,” listed off a couple of items from the Florida man’s deeply unimpressive resume, and essentially characterized Gaetz as the most racist and corrupt choice possible, which is the highest praise a man like Trump can give. (Trump, you’ll recall, was found civilly liable for sexual abuse and also faces 34 felony convictions.)

“Few issues in America are more important than ending the partisan Weaponization of our Justice System,” Trump said. “Matt will end Weaponized Government, protect our Borders, dismantle Criminal Organizations and restore Americans’ badly-shattered Faith and Confidence in the Justice Department.” Trump thanked Gaetz for “[playing] a key role in defeating the Russia, Russia, Russia Hoax,” and called him “a Champion for the Constitution and the Rule of Law.” 

My expectations were low—in hell, really—but… damn! After getting over my initial shock, I’ve even come to consider the possibility that this is a negotiating tactic: Gaetz is just Trump’s vile, unworkable first offer, and afterward, the Senate might be willing to confirm anyone, even 18-year-old Barron Trump. (The conservative Washington Examiner, which called Gaetz a “sacrificial lamb,” seems to see the vision.) We’ll see! But for now, and for possibly the first and only time in my entire life, I have one thing in common with Congressional Republicans—who famously loathe Gaetz—in that we’re all disgusted by this news.

Out of the gate, one Punchbowl News reporter who was around a few GOP Congress members when Trump made the announcement tweeted, “Safe to say that GOP senators are stunned—not in a good way.” One Politico reporter added, “I’m looking at a House Republican who is laughing so hard in a group of members that he’s wiping away tears.” (If we’re going to survive the next four years under Trump, for my sake as a deeply nosy, deeply petty broad, I’m going to need Hill reporters to start naming names!) One anonymous House GOP member told Axios, “We wanted him out of the House … this isn’t what we were thinking.” And another unnamed member said they’re “stunned and disgusted.”

When an NBC reporter informed Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R) of Trump’s pick, her reaction was a simple, “Wow.” Asked for further comment, she said, “I just said, ‘Wow.'” She then told reporters she doesn’t see Gaetz as a “serious” pick, adding, “We need a serious attorney general. I’m looking forward to the opportunity to consider somebody that is serious. ….This one was not on my bingo card.” Sen. Susan Collins (R-ME) said she’d vote against Gaetz’s nomination out of the gate. Of course, as we all know, she’s been deeply concerned by Trump for years, but never enough to take much of a principled stand.

Rep. Mike Simpson (R-Idaho) was slightly more explicit; when asked for his reaction by a HuffPost reporter, he said, point-blank, “Are you shittin’ me?” Rep. Max Miller (R-OH) gave the same answer, but slightly cheekier: “Gaetz has a better shot at having dinner with Queen Elizabeth II [who is dead] than being confirmed by the Senate.” Miller later added to Politico that Gaetz is “a reckless pick” with “a zero percent shot.” Rep. Don Bacon (R-Neb.), famously a centrist, said he had “no good comment.” Rep. Michael Guest of Mississippi, the GOP chair of the House Ethics Committee, said he was “surprised” by the pick but has “faith” in Trump’s selections in general. Boooo.

When Politico asked Republican Sens. John Cornyn of Texas, Tom Cotton of Arkansas, and Shelley Moore Capito of West Virginia about Gaetz’s chances in the Senate, the outlet reports that Cornyn “rolled his eyes” while the latter two declined to comment. “We don’t get to choose,” Cornyn said. He sure sounds thrilled! Sen. Joni Ernst (R-Iowa) told Axios that Gaetz has “got his work really cut out for him” to get confirmed. Nevertheless, it’s entirely likely enough spineless Republican senators will ultimately fall in line. Oklahoma’s Sen. Markwayne Mullin, who’s famously accused Gaetz of sexual misconduct with a minor and referenced all the other allegations against him, still managed to tell CNN with a straight face that he “completely [trusts] President Trump’s decision making on this one.”

As I write this, the stunned, frustrated, sarcastic reactions and eye rolls from Congressional Republicans are continuing to pour in with no end in sight. So, if you’re a Republican waiting in line to guffaw at Trump’s almost (almost!) comically heinous, deeply ironic pick for Matt Gaetz as attorney general—stay in line!!!! I want to see who can top invoking the dead queen of England. Of course, no matter how witty or clever Congressional Republicans might get with their words, there’s no getting around the fact that this—corrupt creeps like Gaetz being honored with the possibility of an unthinkable amount of power—is what they chose by backing Trump.

 
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