Jessica Simpson Rarely Brushes Her Teeth, Prefers To Wipe Them With A Shirt


Oh, Jessica Simpson. Today, she was on Ellen’s couch. And somewhere, a publicist is going, “no, Jess, that’s not what ‘endearing anecdote’ means”:

Don’t you love the moment when an interviewer or whoever can no longer just “go with” someone’s weird, self-deprecating shtick and continue to pretend it’s normal and cute and down-to-Earth? You can see this occur on Ellen’s face as her thoughts mirror yours: Wait what? Her teeth are “too white?” And “too slippery?” There is only one conclusion to draw from this: Jessica Simpson is not brushing her teeth with “toothpaste,” but, very possibly, with either Vaseline, pageant-style, or lube. In which case, we can kind of see why she’s not into it.

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