Kanye West Kaught Karessing Kim Kardashian

CelebritiesDirt Bag

From the way they describe it Kanye West had a hard time keeping it in his pants at the after-party for his LA “Watch The Throne” concert with Jay-Z on Tuesday night, instead letting his fingers do the walking – all over Kim Kardashian‘s person. “Kanye was eating Kim up like she was a piece of cake,” said an onlooker, who has a bright future in tabloids. “He was all over her – caressing her head, touching her waist.” Caressing her head? Though talk of eating things and some light head work makes it sound like he was giving her some intriguing cunnilingus in the middle of a crowd it was, unfortunately, a bit more family-friendly. “I think he was dying to kiss her, but there were too many people in the room,” they added. [NYDN]

Kendall Jenner confirms she’s the next one out of the Kardashian gate by appearing on the cover of Teen Prom – you’ve gotta start somewhere – and discussing how she handles the family’s h8rs. “[My sisters tell me] not to listen to what other people say because people are mean,” she says. “I just don’t look at the Internet and what people say because it can bring you down.” Oh, Kendall, we’re not going to be mean to you – unless you turn out like the rest of your horrible klan. [Radar]

Rooney Mara bites off and ravages the hand that first fed her by shitting all over Law And Order: SVU. “It was so awful. So stupid,” she said of her early stint on the show. “Me and my boyfriend – although I [didn’t] look old enough to have a boyfriend – went and beat up these fat people, and at the end of the show you find out that I used to be obese and I hate fat people. It’s ridiculous. Who would ever do that? Who would beat someone up because they’re fat? People are obsessed with that show. I don’t get it.” A dagger, a dagger through my heart! [Page Six]
From hate to love, Rooney redeems herself by talking about the finer points of merkin artistry. [SF Gate]

Forget your morning crossword because we’ve got your mind boggler right here: Taylor Armstrong – who has discussed her own domestic abuse past – has recorded footage of herself watching a Texas judge beating his cerebral palsy-stricken daughter so she can post a reaction video on her website. “She filmed it for it to be released on her website to educate women about domestic violence,” said an associate. “Taylor was absolutely gutted watching the video. She cried, and she got very, very angry. She saw herself in the judge’s daughter, vulnerable and unable to fight back.” Um, thoughts? [Radar]

Handling the whole thing with amazing ease and grace, Giuliana Rancic‘s double mastectomy was a success and she’s already on the mend. “G is doing really well. Her surgery lasted about four hours and the doctors were very pleased with the result,” said her husband Bill. “She had a little bit of pain through the night but is feeling much better this morning and was cracking jokes.” [SF Gate]

  • Turning the place into an episode of Wife Swap more and more every day, Barack Obama has added Facebook to the growing list of things on the White House ban list. [Page Six]
  • This is going to give you a severe case of the “awws” – George Clooney rubbed meatballs on his feet so a rescue dog would fall in love with him. [People]
  • Courtney Love is behind in rent, painting all over the walls of her fancy pad and faces eviction. [Page Six]
  • Janice Dickinson just got hearts beating faster by announcing plans to combine two great concepts into a much better one with a reality show about alcoholic models, called Sober Model House. [The Insider]
  • She may have been hot-shit in the modeling world once upon a time but Agyness Dean‘s interior decorating skills are just plain shit. [Obsever]
  • Charlize Theron gets her jollies by destroying the dreams of old men. [NYDN]
  • Drama-seeking businessman comes out of the woodwork to claim Claudia Schiffer‘s kid as his. [The Sun]
  • Jessica Biel‘s brother has a fake go at Justin Timberlake for not spruiking their shitty tequila enough. [TMZ]
  • Who fills your heart more with rage over the insane amount of money they make? Is it Katy Perry, Lady Gaga or Taylor Swift? [E!]
  • Jon Cryer says firing Charlie Sheen saved his life. And ours, in the hope that the show will now start to tank and be gone forever. [Page Six]
  • Natalie Portman is understandably pissed that Patty Jenkins was fired from directing Thor 2. [Vulture]
  • Stop the internet! Leonardo DiCaprio has broken with tradition by hanging out with a good-looking blonde woman. [E!]
  • Glenn Close and Mia Wasikowska look totally cute snuggling up together. [Ministry Of Gossip]
  • Ashley Tisdale has broken up with her boyfriend. [E!]
  • Do you want to look inside the house of the dearly departed Elizabeth Montgomery? I do. [Daily Mail]
  • If you needed any more proof that Justin Bieber is a little tool, here he is getting pulled over for speeding in his Batmobile. [TMZ]
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