Loch-Ness-Monster-Esque Photo of Kate Middleton Surfaces

After being locked in the dungeons below Kensington Palace (my best guess) as she recovers from abdominal surgery (so says The Firm), the first photo of Kate Middleton (and perhaps she herself…) in over two months has surfaced. The palace seemingly heard the rumor mill whirring and saw Twitter stirring and said, “No more! Take this paltry pic and leave us alone.” Obviously, no one is doing that.

we literally have clearer pictures of Pluto. how on earth am I supposed to believe this is really Kate Middleton lol pic.twitter.com/fU8nhmAKzN

— Spencer Althouse (@SpencerAlthouse) March 5, 2024

For those not up to speed on the whereabouts of the princess—she’s been hidden from the public eye since right before Christmas. In mid-January, we were told she was recovering from abdominal surgery and would not be returning to public duties until after Easter, which falls on the last day of March this year. What’s more noteworthy than the future queen recovering in private is that the notoriously brutal U.K. tabloid press isn’t probing into where Kate’s been. Instead, they’re following the party line of the palace pretty darn closely—a courtesy they famously did not extend to Meghan Markle.

Anyhow, after a full week plus of online speculation about what the hell Kate has been up to (BBL recovery???), the paparazzi agency Backgrid conveniently snapped a photo of Kate riding shotgun in an SUV with her mom, Carole Middleton. (Unrelated, but I always forget when I see U.K. tabloid pics of people in cars that the driver’s side is swapped and it looks like the passenger is just super dozed out while cruising down the street. I digress…) The quality of the released photo meets the standards of BigFoot and Loch Ness sighting snaps…which is to say it is poor. While this is likely because the paparazzi were hidden in a shrub a kilometer away, the Internet has decided it’s because it has been doctored or that, perhaps, the passenger princess isn’t even Princess Kate!

The Jezebel staff is split between two theories: The first is that Pippa Middleton, Kate’s younger sister and royal wedding derriere-haver, is filling in as her sister’s body double. The second (and more likely scenario) is that Kate might look slightly different than normal if she is recovering from surgery or taking certain medications. The point is that this photo has done nothing to quell the insatiable curiosity about arguably the world’s most boring woman! 

• Science needs to study the brain of the man (Olivier Sarkozy) who can win over both Mary Kate Olsen and Luann de Lesseps. [Page Six]
• The latest on the cursed Cyrus family love triangle is that Tish Cyrus reportedly hired security so that daughter Noah Cyrus wouldn’t show up and steal back her man. [Daily Mail]
• Relationship confirmed via beach smooches. Joshua Jackson and Lupita Nyong’o are making it PDA-official for the paps. [E!]
• I don’t know what is more impressive: J.Lo and Ben Affleck going to see Dune 2 with the plebes or them not finishing their popcorn bucket. [Twitter]