March Madness Final Four: Sex, Binge-Watching, Netflix, and… Memes?


Well hi hello, folks! I’m sorry to have forsaken you last week, but when I received word that Eggplant Friday was no longer in the tournament, I had to be airlifted to an emotional rejuvenation retreat where I was locked in a cryotherapy chamber for several days.

I’m mostly thawed out and have a much better handle on my rage now, which is good, because it turns out that a bunch of PSYCHOPATHS have ripped Emojis, Free Porn, Makeup, and Watching a Crying Drunk Girl Yell At Her Boyfriend from my icy, shuddering bosom.

Here’s your updated Final Four bracket, featuring approximately zero outdoor activities:

In the Internet conference, we have Memes (9) vs. Netflix (1). Memes. MEMES. What????? Do you want to put me into an early grave??? No pressure, but in the words of RuPaul, don’t fuck it up:

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Over in the IRL arena, it’s a fight to the death between Sex (1) and Binge-Watching (1). Okay, you guys would choose the one IRL seed that’s, like, barely IRL. But which idle pleasure will it be?

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I know, I know. This was so hard! As this tournament winds down, your decisions are more gut-wrenching, and their effects will continue to reverberate for eons to come. The Jezebel staff may never recover, but definitely don’t let that influence you!

You have, as always, 24 hours to vote.

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