Paula Deen Feels Like 'That Black Football Player Who Came Out'

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Paula Deen‘s Sorry I’m A Racist tour is chugging along, leaving a thick trail of butter and delusional self-pity smeared across the countryside.

In her newest feat of stunning mental gymnastics, the disgraced chef has used an interview with People as a platform to compare herself to Michael Sam (the first openly gay prospective player in the NFL):

“I feel like ’embattled’ or ‘disgraced’ will always follow my name. It’s
like that black football player who recently came out. He said, ‘I just
want to be known as a football player. I don’t want to be known as a
gay football player.’ I know exactly what he’s saying. I’m fighting to
get my name back.”

“I wish people would stop constantly noting that I’m racist — just like THAT BLACK FOOTBALL PLAYER wishes people would stop constantly noting that he’s gay.” Um, ok, Paula. Pro-tip: it’s easier for them to move on when you don’t construct sentences like someone who is deeply uncomfortable with black people. [D-Listed]

Despite setbacks (such as the sentences that come out of Paula Deen‘s mouth), things are going pretty well, though: Deen will be opening a $20 million restaurant next to Dollywood. [NY Daily News]

According to the world’s worst confidant, Michelle Rodriguez believes that Cara Delevingne is “the One” and wants to settle down and start a family with her. Cara’s family is worried over the 14-year-age difference and also fears that Michelle might be a bad influence. Also, Cara is probably too busy modeling and making kooky faces in various glamorous locations to raise a child.

This is a dubious but beautiful tale. [Daily Mail]

Ellen Page and Julianne Moore are going to play a couple in an upcoming film, Freeheld, which is about a New Jersey detective who can’t assign her pension benefits to her partner after being diagnosed with terminal cancer. Ugh, that sounds very good and horribly sad. Page says it’s her “dream” project. Yay! [E!]

  • Kanye West was “the opposite of violent” with an aggressive fan (in layman’s terms, that’s “peaceful” or “nonviolent”). [TMZ]
  • Rihanna might be releasing a concept album for an animated film. [Billboard]
  • Robert Pattinson walked two cows on set for some movie in Toronto and smiled like I have not seen him smile since his Cedric days. [Lainey Gossip]
  • Seth Meyers loves his wife so much and it is so sweet. [HuffPo]
  • Kate Mara still hasn’t finished watching House of Cards. [HuffPo]
  • Did Kylie Jenner get a tattoo? If so, what is it? It looks like a leech wrapped in a doily. [Hello]
  • Justin Bieber wrote a song for his mom and had her sing on it :’) But also, poor Bieber’s mom. [People]
  • Here’s a photo of Drake and Aaron Paul being honored to be around one another. [E!]
  • At one of his concerts, Justin Timberlake noticed a fan flipping him off in the second row and then had some questions for her. Namely, why did you spend a king’s fortune on a ticket if you were just going to make rude gestures at the be-vested singer? [Gossip Center]
  • Everyone on set at The Americans torments Keri Russell with a Felicity wig. [VH1]
  • Keeping Up With the Kardashians lost a half million viewers over the course of one week. Maybe humans are tiring of beholding lurid carnivals of decadence and bland human suffering. Ha ha, just kidding; they’ll never tire of that. [Radar]
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