Pick-Me Politician Offers Hundreds of Men Who Don’t Care If She Has Rights a Tour of the Capitol
"I'll be the first member of Congress to offer them a guided tour in the Capitol," Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.) told a crowd outside a D.C. jail of the recently pardoned Jan. 6 rioters.
Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.) leaves the DC Central Detention Facility on Tuesday. Photo: Getty Images
During a week when each day has proved stupider than the last, leave it to Rep. Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.) to say, “Hold my not Bud Light.”
After President Donald Trump was sworn into office for a second time on Monday, one of his first executive actions was issuing 1,500 or so pardons for the Capitol rioters. And on Tuesday, the congresswoman stood outside a Washington, D.C. jail where a number of people (mostly men) who were criminally charged with participating in the January 6 riot are being held.
Because her existence is dependent upon humiliating herself at every possible opportunity, Boebert not only addressed those pardoned but extended a special invitation to them: a guided tour of the Capitol.
“I’ll be the first member of Congress to offer them a guided tour in the Capitol,” Boebert told the crowd to raucous cheers. She also said her only regret about Jan. 6 is “what the media did to lie about the events of that day.” Frankly, I’m not shocked. Forget the fact that she and her entire family have lengthy (and exceedingly stupid) criminal records—Boebert’s worst offense is that she’s an unrepentant pick-me.
According to reports, Boebert spent the better part of the Inaugural weekend kissing the ass of anyone within reach, including Kid Rock and a woman she thought was Trump’s pick for Chief of Staff. Per the Spectator, Boebert spent the bulk of Saturday’s America First Policy Institute ball trying to buddy up to Susie Wiles…only it wasn’t Susie Wiles. Instead, it was “just a woman from the Midwest who looks slightly like her.”
If that accompanying visual didn’t make you giggle, here’s another Boebert observation from the weekend: “Boebert was also spotted attempting to big-time her way into VIP with her sculpted himbo companion. On Sunday she found herself in a spirited discussion with staff in VIP at the Turning Point USA ball, as well as cutting a rug with Kid Rock.” I don’t know what’s more embarrassing: prostrating yourself to get into VIP or dancing with Kid Rock…
All of this is to say that it was sadly only a matter of time before one member of Trump’s fascist cabal welcomed the Jan. 6 “hostages” back to the scene of their many crimes. And all evidence indicated it would be Boebert. Let’s not forget that, as scores of domestic degenerates—from a fraudulent Palm Beach boating salesman to an Ohio exterminator who stole liquor and a coat rack—descended on Capitol Hill, innumerable lawmakers feared for their lives. While Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez anticipated sexual assault, Rep. Ilhan Omar made what she thought could be a final call to her ex-husband and the father of her children, and photographers and journalists suffered violent assault, it was Boebert who quite literally tweeted the location of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, then gleefully mocked Ocasio Cortez after the fact.
Caleb Hearon was correct. This really is the dumfuckaissance.
