Rihanna Rihport: Happy Birthday to OUR QUEEN Edition


Rihanna is the most important millennial of our time. The Rihanna Rihport is where we breathlessly chronicle the magnitude of her lived existence.

RIHANNA, FEBRUARY 20—In New York and beyond, citizens are celebrating this day because it is the most important day in the entire calendar because guess what, it is the day that the cosmos and fashion jesuses gave us Robyn Rihanna Fenty. IT’S RIRI’S BIRTHDAY! Happy birthday queen Rihzus, who rules the entire globe of pop music with a tattooed and bedazzled scepter, with a gentle and merciful heart but also with a fierce power that is unparalleled in this modern earth. Twenty-seven glorious years ago, the goddess was born.

To honor our queen, goddess of light and fury, let’s take a look at what she’s been doing for the past 10 years, since she FLEW into our lives and BURROWED into our hearts!!

In 2005, she was still 17 and the princess of Roc Nation! She went to Brooklyn Tech High School and BLESSED their step team by learning some dance moves from them! Then she sang “Pon de Replay” a cappella! DO YOU THINK THESE TEENS WERE DYING?!?! I WOULD.

In 2006 she went to Australia almost completely sans tattoos and emerged with two musical notes on her foot! Remember when the Rihzus was in possession of virgin skin, before she was the bejeweled and adorned icon we know now? In this video she is interviewed by an Australian man and chats about her tattoo and performs “S.O.S.”!

“If you toured the world would you end up with tattoos all up and down your arms,” the man asks, and Rihanna laughs and says, “No!!!” HINDSIGHT MAKES US SO WISE, RIHZY!!

In 2007, 19-year-old Rih was like, guess what, I’m a good girl gone bad! And you can tell in these interviews how much more confidence she had and how much stronger had one year made her! Oh my gosh Rihanna goddess look at how scared Terence J is of you! Terence J bow down!!!

Then in 2008, in Canada, Rih was even more in control! She is asked pretty stupid and generic questions here but she has great answers about her clothes and being strong and dressing sexily!! RIH!!

2009: Rihzy can legally imbibe alcohol in the USA so it was time for Rated R—more like UNDERRATED R! What a perfect album that was beamed from the heavens and even moreso because it was THE QUEEN ROBYN RIHANNA FENTY! 2009 was also a year when Alexa Chung had a reality talk show on MTV and at this time Rihanna was being brave and talking about her experience with domestic violence. It was a dark time in her life but one she combatted with love and strength, like the Maori tattoo she got in New Zealand.

In 2010 Rihanna was 22 and Loud. LOOK AT HER BLOSSOM INTO AN ADULT WOMAN! She had red Charli Baltimore hair and talked about her business aspirations with this bald man!

Talk That Talk dropped in 2011, which is the year she went to the Brit Awards wearing a GB flag ring, and this smitten British man complimented her on her beauty. But the smitten British man can’t even help himself—which, it’s okay British man! We know how you feel! No one is immune to the RIHANNA GLOW!

Rihanna was Unapologetic in 2012 and that’s when she took a bunch of journalists on a plane around the world because she LOVES US! IF you look closely at this documentary you might even see YOURS TRULY on the plane FREAKING OUT and maybe dying from an incurable-at-the-time bout of walking pneumonia but also just FREAKING OUT BECAUSE SHE IS RIHANNA, goddess lord and dainty flower of the sky! Rihanna was also 24 and really coming into her own as a WOMAN IN CONTROL. A princess blossoms into a QUEEN!

2013: Biggest. Most. Important. Star. In. The World. Hands. Down. Even. Bigger. Than. Kate. Middleton. In. England. Seriously, watch this interview! Lionel Richie is in the audience and no one even cares!!!!

No album in 2014 (WE DIED!) but this CFDA video speaks for itself.

And here we are today, patiently waiting the arrival of #R8, promising we will love you forever because you are our beacon in a world of hellacious darkness. Happy birthday queen RIHANNA! FENTY!

Image via Getty, wishes via life

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