12:11 Focus. The Namibian baby’s name is Ponijao.
12:12 The Cambodian Mongolian baby is here! His name is Bayarjaygal, and he is, I think, enormous.
12:15 The mom is totally badass: She and baby just rode off on a motorcycle with dad.
12:16 Meet Mari of Tokyo. She’s clearly the hippest baby as she is sporting a little mohawk.
12:19 Globe-trotting over to San Fran. Newborn is Hattie. This is all so unintentionally twee.
12:20 My boyfriend just got here. He’s extra-late because the ticket-taker automatically directed him to the theater showing Iron Man.
12:21 Makeout couple is still making out. I don’t understand how! The international babies are sleeping. It’s riveting?
12:25 The Mongolian baby is peeing. In bed. Good reality check.
12:30 The contrast between the American tops/distractions and those of the other babies (like a lump of fat with a match stuck through it — that’s Mongolian baby’s toy) is striking. But they are all equally entertained!
12:31 Man, my boyfriend is loving this. He is cackling with genuine glee at everything the babies do.
12:32 Pregnant woman in audience looks enraptured. Single women are audibly cooing.
12:34 We’ve got footage of a daycare full of screaming babies. Couple stops making out.
12:35 Hattie is good at baby yoga. Very SanFran. Also, this movie is hitting all the baby-animal interaction sweet spots.
12:41 I feel drunk on infants. If that’s possible. But the whole audience seems to be baby-drunk too.
12:42 My friend Andrew finds the soundtrack intolerable — it’s vaguely international and whimsical scoring. I think it’s fine.
12:46 Mari seems to have a penchant for graphic design.
12:47 My boyfriend just exclaimed, “That little baby’s snoring!”
12:50 An older brother is hitting his baby brother, and you can tell that he’s just waiting for the camera crew to tell him to stop. This has gotta be messing with his perceptions of adult authority.
12:58 We have a baby tethered to a bed, unrolling toilet paper.
1:00 The live baby in the audience, apparently upset by all the onscreen crying, has left the building.
1:01 Less than one hour into showtime, and the babies have hair. They grow up so fast!
1:03 Mom: “What does the elephant say?” Baby: “Uh-oh!”
1:08 Vegetarians NB: We have on-screen entrails.
1:10 Hattie has a playground spill. Wipes out. Audience cackles.
1:17 More Hattie: She’s desperately trying to escape some kind of touchy-feely Mommy-and-Me circle. Cinema verite.
1:24 Movie ends with a “where are they now.” And? They’re toddlers.
1:29 And scene! I asked my boyfriend if the movie made him want a baby. His answer: “Apparently they get boring after about an hour and five minutes.”
1:30 Asked the theater manager if she had watched the film. “I got a lot of grandchildren. I don’t need to see no movie.” Then she says to my boyfriend, “Shoulda gone with Iron Man.”
1:35 Coming down by going into a nearby baby-clothing store. Alone.
