Ever want to piss someone off before you make them the happiest person alive? Of course you do; because if you make someone a little bit unhappy before you make them happy, the intense feeling of relief will actually make them even more elated. That is a mind hack and one that these greeting cards employ better than anything you’ve seen.
The cards, sold by FinchandHare are probably a joy to get a couple of seconds after one opens them. Who wouldn’t want to see the disappointment on a parent’s/partner’s/friend’s face as they pull an “You’re awful” card out of the envelope only to unfold it and be told that they are the most awesome person in the world and also the biggest Mario you can be (as opposed to the smallest Mario you can be, which is a phrase I often use to describe sadness) (I sometimes also say that I am a sad panda, but that is too mainstream).
The other thing is that these cards are not only tricky, they’re also beautiful and your loved ones will be happy to display them in their homes and let others in on the trick. At least I would. Can you imagine someone coming over and asking where the hell you got a card that says “You’re awful” and saying “Oh yeah, my significant other of six years gave it to me” and then watching their face fall? It’s like the gift that keeps on giving. Here’s one that threatens the reader with pee!
Just in case you don’t think a trick like this works, I will share how I got people to pay their late fees when I worked at the video store. Instead of telling them the amount that they owed, I would make up some ridiculous number and let the customer rant and rave while I kind of stared over their head and watched Teen Witch. Then, when they had had a sufficient amount of time to tell me exactly what they’d do to my mother if they met her (my mom is single now, so she might be up for it?), I would inform them that I couldn’t remove the fees completely, but that I’d be happy to bring them down if they didn’t tell the manager. Then I just charged them the original late fee and they were very grateful. I was also the manager. (We all were.) #BAM