Let’s meet Lil Pump, a man who I have never actually met, but learned a lot about very quickly, in order to fully process the now-debunked news that he was ousting Angela Merkel as Harvard 2019’s commencement speaker.
The news came about because Pump’s record label, Warner Brothers, issued a press release saying that he was going to be the speaker at Harvard’s commencement—news that was reported with a straight face and credulity by Cosmopolitan. It turns out that Lil Pump is not going to speak at Harvard, but he does have an album out called Harvard Dropout that tracks neatly with the slice of his shtick claiming that he is, in fact, a Harvard dropout. Lil Pump, for the record, is not a Harvard dropout. He is, however, a clout-chasing Soundcloud rapper with occasionally questionable clothing choices who is adored by teenaged hypebeasts armed with their daddy’s credit card, frothing at the mouth for the next Supreme drop.