Reasons God Made Girls, According to My New Least Favorite Country Song


Currently climbing the charts on iTunes: “God Made Girls,” a new single from 2012 Voice contestant RaeLynn. It’s perhaps a sign Pinterest has achieved sentience and is now producing country pop songs. Rayna James would not approve.

Sample lyrics: “He needed something soft and loud and sweet and proud/But tough enough to break a heart/Something beautiful and breakable that lights up in the dark/So God made girls.” The song is a long list of reasons that the alpha and the omega made you, ladies, according to RaeLynn. They boil down to one thing: You exist purely to provide succor and comfort to one special man.

  • to wear a pretty skirt
  • to be the one to flirt to flirt
  • to hold his hand
  • to make him get dressed up
  • to give him a reason to wash that truck
  • to teach him how to dance
  • to be the one to cry
  • to let him drive
  • to give him a reason to hold that course
  • to put up a fight (????)
  • to make him wait on Saturday night to walk downstairs and blow his mind
  • to drag his butt to church
  • to hold him when he hurts

The term “retrograde” doesn’t do this song justice—it’s outright Victorian. “Drag his ass to church”? What, we’re responsible for their immortal souls now, too? (Also as an old married lady I’d just like to say good fucking luck getting his ass to dress up.) And it’s almost blasphemous to even hint that women were pulled into existence so… dudes would wash the mud off their trucks. Yep, God has a plan, and it’s sparkling Ford pickups driven by men, from sea to shining sea.

It puts Maddie and Tae’s “Girl in a Country Song” into context nicely. It’s extra frustrating that RaeLynn is billing this as a “girl empowerment” tune. She told Taste of Country: “There’s just something so special about ‘God Made Girls,’ it comes from a girl’s perspective and there’s nothing like that on radio right now.” Come on, now, surely you can write something from “a girl’s perspective” that’s about something other than the world revolving around men.

I don’t want to leave you with the impression that this song is the end-all, be-all of women in country music right now. Sure, we’re in a bro-country moment, but it’s not going to last forever. Here are some palette cleansers:

Anyway, back to “Anaconda” on repeat.

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