​Sarah Palin's New Online Channel Is a Glorious Mess


Tea Party Den Mother Sarah Palin is continuing her quest to be Bizarro Oprah by creating her own network channel—online. And you bet your ass she’s making you pay for the goods, because goddammit, this is America.

SarahPalinChannel.com is no typical news website community channel thing. Nay, Palin promises to drop the “media filters” (like Instagram filters but with MORE LIBERAL BIAS) and go “beyond the sound bites and cut through the media’s politically-correct filter” and “Washington DC’s crony capitalism.” And how.

In a 7-minute video entitled “We Can’t Be Afraid of the Scary ‘I Word,'” Palin hits the ground running, comparing Obama’s America to a “battered wife” saying “No mas.” Oh great. Honestly, I did not make it very far past that point, but not because of the thinly veiled racist shitpickles she’s fermenting, but rather the quality of the video itself.

In a most poetic reflection of both form and content, Palin’s audio is a mangled, scratchy, and inarticulate mess that would make even the most low budget public access programs from the 80s cringe. (Seriously, at this point, just fucking unplug the lavalier mic and use the mic on the camera.)

The best part? She’s charging members $9.95 per month or $99.95 to watch and comment on a video series that looks and sounds like it’s run by some Video Production 101 student interns. Keep in mind, Netflix (and Hulu) is less expensive, and you can watch all seven seasons of Buffy. There is only one season on Palin’s channel, and it’s “Open.”

On the plus side, below the national debt clock and countdown until the end of Obama’s term, she does have a charming “Sally’s Word of the Day” feature. Today’s word is “rectitude,” which I learned is not a rectum with attitude.

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