I Didn’t Think Authoritarian Rule Came With This Much Secondhand Embarrassment
If North Korea's military parades are, let's say, the Rolls-Royce of a dictator's flex of unchecked power, then Trump's attempt on Saturday was more like a kid's tricycle from Shein.
Photo: Getty Images In DepthPolitics
I never wanted, nor did I ever anticipate, living under an authoritarian government. But you know what, I expected that, at the very least, if the United States was going to be dragged kicking and screaming into fascism, then gosh darn it, the once-greatest country in the world would prove itself to be the best at being the worst. These colors don’t run, etc., etc. Luckily—but also mortifyingly—that has not been the case.
Like, wow, has that not been the case.
On Saturday, Trump celebrated his 79th birthday and the U.S. military’s 250th birthday with a $45 million parade—you know, like the kind they have in North Korea. But if North Korea’s military parades are, let’s say, the Rolls-Royce of a dictator’s flex of unchecked power, then Trump’s attempt was more like a Shein children’s tricycle that, you realize upon delivery, is actually made of cardboard.
The crowds—if we can even call them that—were dismal; more people showed up outside a random restaurant in New Jersey to see Taylor Swift at Jack Antonoff’s rehearsal dinner in 2023. The sorry military “display,” which included 84 military vehicles and 6,000 soldiers, according to ABC News, made me assume Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth stashed the majority of the budget in case there are any more boats that need de-wokening. (Also, has anyone seen him since Saturday?) And overall, the vibes—from the empty bleachers to Trump practically falling asleep—were weak and not very wannabe-dictator-y! Sad!
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