This Really Is the End, Isn’t It?

This week, Kim Kardashian unveiled a collaboration with historic homophobes and racists, Dolce and Gabbana. The product? A range of elasticized corsets, catsuits, and camis to the tune of $248. In this economy, we’ll just have to hold on until after Trump takes office and lowers the price of groceries to afford a leopard thong with the thread count of a Kleenex. Unfortunately, that wasn’t even the reality star-cum-entrepreneur’s most disturbing check to cash of late.

On Monday, Kardashian seemingly began promoting Tesla, posting two videos of her new toys from fellow billionaire Elon Musk’s brand: a Cybercab and Optimus, aka Tesla Bot.

“Meet my new friend🦾🤖@Tesla,” she captioned a clip of Optimus posted on Twitter. In the video, Kardashian has the black-and-white robot form a half-heart shape with its hand, as she completes the heart with hers.

“Can you do this? I love you?” she asks, curling her fingers. After making the heart, Kardashian gasped, “You know how to do that?” I know this phrase gets tossed around with carelessness, but this is truly the start of a horror movie. And the horrors continued.

Kardashian also posted a video of the Cybercab…with the Tesla Bot behind the wheel, writing: “Optimus is here to take mw for a ride in the Cybercab.” I’ll go ahead and ignore the typo and just point out that Tesla tops the list of the brands with the most vehicle fatalities. Now, I could be wrong here, but a robot driving one doesn’t seem all that much safer.

Kardashian could’ve stopped there. But because she’s a glutton—for more billions, brand deals, and even punishment—she just kept going.

“Optimus asked if you’re still on for dinner this Friday,” Tesla commented on the post. I get it. They’re sexualizing a machine the way some do a car, a 10-speed vibrator, or, if you’re me, a magic bullet. Marketing marvels, am I right? What can be said other than it’s all an utterly grotesque display of unearned, unchecked excess? Considering the sources, none of it’s all surprising. As for the comment section, they weren’t quite charmed either.

“Sorry Kim, you’re not gonna normalise [sic] this weird behaviour [sic] for us we don’t want this!” one user commented. “I’m wondering how much tesla and elon had to fork out to get Kim to do this 🤣🤣😂,” another wrote. I didn’t comment but if I had, I’d probably suggest that Kardashian’s blatant chumminess with Musk (and everyone else currently sucking up to Trump) is further evidence that Kardashian is far less socially liberal than she posits herself to be when she needs to sell another bandeau during Pride month.

The real gag is she isn’t just peddling one bad brand. In the photos, she just so happens to be wearing her collaboration not with D&G, but Balenciaga…you know, the fashion house with the “promoting pedophilia” allegations.

It remains unclear whether Musk actually did pay Kardashian to shove his blights upon humanity down our throats. But given she posted multiple photos and videos across platforms to millions and millions of followers, it’s safe to assume she’s getting a cut. I mean, who else would Musk contract to be an influencer but a Kardashian? And who else gives less of a shit about brand safety and self-respect to agree to it but a Kardashian?